Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Movie Review

I said, I need drink the rest of this because the only way i'm going to be able to sleep.Why?The movie.The movie was really bad.(Intro Music Plays)I'm gonna try to do something a little different and let's throw outa couple words that we could use maybe to describe it...

I'll go first.ExcitingNo. Charismatic.Not even a little bit.Visually impressive.Yes.This is like word association.Yes, it is.Dane Dehann(stuttering) Oh God, no... he no...

(sirens play)Luc Besson has had vision. He's had this vision for a long time - as we've heard - It's based off this Comic in France as we all know.And the Fifth Element I think gave us a taste of what luke Besson...

was umm...where he going With his Vision. What he wanted to do. But I still believe that with the Fifth Element there Is...some Level of Studio control still.Valerian is a completely independent Film written and directed by Luc Besson, and it shows.Can we talk about the name for a second - and I know we kind of chit-chated about this...When I first saw the ...when I was first introduced to it - I actually thought Valerian was the name of a planetMe too....and then turns out it's actually not... it's..."Dane Dull""Dane Dull"Yeah, it's "Dane Dull", and Claire...Sorry.Cara!SORRY!Cara...I don't...Wha'ts her last name?I don't know.I - Don't - Care - ah - Delevingne

The opening, scene where they're tumbling around on this beach right - and it's supposed to be this sexy dialogue that's just totally...misses. .Misses 100%.Cringeworthy. I can't think of a better way to describe it, than cringe. Like odd. It was very...almost kind of like they worked odd together being in those intimate or even interacting with one another like almost like they didn't really like each other but they had to like each other Zoro charisma. I mean the total lack of chemistry.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

A lot of one-liners that just don't...They misfire. They're horrible. And they're just done just... I think if it was the right person I feel that... "Dane Dull"...We're just gonna keep calling him that now huh? That's your new nickname bro.I feel that he had this like a weird way of talking in the movie with, his like...(impersonating) "I'm only going to be with my partner".Dane Dehann: "We're a team"The movie really enjoys Itself. It enjoys the hell out of Itself. They have expansive scenes that are just made to showcase the visual effects and again...That is what this movie is. Is, look at this spectacle I've created. Yes, there Is some world building in there but I don feel like it is fleshed out enough.

It was just a lot going on to kind of keep track of what was going on. Like I said it took me at least a while, like halfway through the movie to figure out actually what was going on. What they were doing. What was happening, and there was a lot of just unnecessary things that they did. Disappointing is the word of the day. Definitely. I feel that it's a......a movie more geared towards that young "tween" age and I feel like a lot of the younger kids would love it because of you know all the characters, and they have all these different worlds and you see them kind of going through this city that has a thousand different planet living amongst it and it's really colorful and bright and... but not really a storyline. There's not really...much of a story or anything like that.

Which Is kind of what I thought you know, I thought would be a little bit more in-depth.

Production design runs the gamete

It runs from...Big giant spacecraft covered in lights, you know, just so many lights, to...school bus looking craft and, they use the word "Spaceship" a lot. Not sure if you noticed - they say stuff like..."Oh, he's left his Spaceship", and I don't know, it's like I almost feel like this was written in his perhaps his native language - you know how they say "you lose something in translation"?

There's something lost in translation in this film.Maybe.I'm not going to say it's not creative - the thing is creative but...Question on that though... Creative in his mind? Because I feel like in the movie he pulled other people's creativity from different movies or different things.

Star Wars

There are shades of "Avatar". There are shades of "Star Wars". There's definitely different parts of the film where we feel like we've seen some of it before, but a lot of the imagery I feel like, yeah...we haven't seen it before, okay. Like there's a ton of amazing, crazy, imagery that they do......but I don't know, reminds me of that scene in "Jurassic Park"..."I don't think you're giving us our due credit. Our scientists have done things that no one has ever done before""Yeah, yeah, but your scientists, were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."Would you recommend the film? To my children (laughs). Would you see the movie again? No.

Absolutely not. I would not. No. It just didn't umm...I caught myself checking my phone a few times...Not a good sign.How long have we been in this movie for? It misses every mark like I said. Poor acting, poor writing direction Is there......but I don't understand it. If you're into Experimental Films and you want to see something that you've never really seen before...Visually... this is a movie for you.

Visually. Yes.Although if You can survive through some of he terrible scenes and dialogue. Good luck.If you are a more conventional movie-goer I would not recommend this. You're gonna have as hard a time I thinkas we did.With this film. And you'll be checking your watch and you're gonna be saying man this this is cheesy.Yeah. Agreed.209 Million DollarCheesyWith Over 2,000 Visual effects!What's your favorite line?Oh god...

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets 2017 Movie Info

  • Rating: 6.6/10
  • Director: Luc Besson
  • Writers: Pierre Christin (based on the comic book series “Valerian and Laureline” by), Jean-Claude Mézières (based on the comic book series “Valerian and Laureline” by)
  • Stars: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen
  • Runtime: 2h 17min
  • Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy
  • Released: 21 July 2017

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